I feel like it is time for me to update everyone up on the latest life events of The Evil Mommy. So much has been happening and I’ve been checked out for a while now. I apologize for not keeping my loyal readers (all three of them) up to date.
As all moms know, you can plan for every possible scenario and then life throws you a curveball. Or two . . or twenty. It’s almost like the universe says, “Oh that’s so cute. I bet you think you have it all figured out now, don’t you momma? Let’s see how you handle this.”
The best way I can describe life lately is to imagine that you are taking a nice little walk. You are just relaxing and enjoying the sunshine Then, you are suddenly involved in a game of dodgeball. A game you didn’t sign up for, nor do you have any interest in playing, but you are involved in none the less. And every ball that is thrown at you needs to be caught and dealt with before you can move on. And every ball is smacking you in the face and they hurt. A lot.
Update on David
I know some of you have been following me on social media and have seen that my oldest son was very sick. I won’t share all the details of his illness because he is a private person and doesn’t want me broadcasting every little detail.
What I can tell you is this – he was absolutely fine one day and woke up the next morning very ill. It was literally like a light switch that changed the trajectory of our lives.
For almost two weeks, I watched my son in constant pain. He was miserable, both physically and emotionally, unable to go to school or participate in any sports or activities. David went to many doctors, including specialists, had blood drawn and other lab tests performed. Eventually, he was admitted to the hospital for five days. David was tested for cancer, genetic disorders and contagious diseases.
After a couple of inpatient procedures, he was finally diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder. This is a chronic disease that will affect him for the rest of his life. It is treatable, but not curable.
After the diagnosis
Since then, we have struggled with finding the right medications to stabilize him. He has suffered extreme side effects from steroids and has missed many more days of school due to flare ups of the disease. The eventual goal is to find the right treatment for him that will put him into remission. This will allow him to live a (mostly) normal life.
The medications to treat him come with their own set of side effects and put him at a higher risk for other diseases later in life. But our hands are tied; we can give him this medicine that makes him feel better or he can have life altering surgery. That’s it. Those are our options at this point.
Throughout it all, he has been the most stoic kid. He never complains about the endless doctor visits or needle sticks. He tolerates me babying him and constantly checking on him. And he has been busting his butt to keep up with his school work and maintain honor roll.
Our lives have been completely turned around over the past two months. We thought we had things figured out and we were on a good schedule with the kids. There was time for work and for play. We had a routine and I felt secure with it.
But now, I realize that every day that David feels well is a gift and should be treasured. He could be fine one day and deathly ill the next. There is no way to predict what tomorrow will bring, so we live in the here and now. And for a person like me, who likes to plan and account for every moment, this has been a difficult lesson to learn.
Dealing with the emotions
Unless you have personally been through a situation like that with your child, you can’t even imagine the range of emotions that you go through. I felt (and still feel) like I have to be strong for my son and my other children. So many times during this process, I have smiled and been at his bedside, then excused myself to use the ladies room and sat in there sobbing.
The inner momma bear has had to come out and I have had to be pushy with doctors, nurses and medical aides, which is not something I normally do. I have doubted my decisions and wondered if I am helping or hurting my son. My husband and I have blamed ourselves and wondered if it is our fault. I have pushed away family and friends because it hurts too much to discuss.
The good news is that we seem to be on the right path (fingers crossed). He has been feeling well lately, is caught up in school and back to being a grumpy teenage boy. I even heard him laugh this week and it made me realize how long it has been since I have heard his goofy laugh.
Sorry to disappear
So there is the big update on the Evil Mommy. If you have been wondering where I have been or why the blog was put on hold, that is why. Your children are always the center of your universe, but when something like this happens, it’s like everything else fades away. As much as I love this blog, it had to wait for a little while.
For everyone who has reached out to me or my family, thank you. We hear you, even if we don’t always respond. The feelings have been too raw for me to write about or try to explain to people, but I am coming to terms with things and getting better about talking about it.
Before you go
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